The harm in Being a People-Pleaser

Photo by Lauren McConachie on Unsplash

Being too agreeable can tax your mental health. If you are habituated to be overly nice to others because you want people to like you and know that you are a good person, it would ultimately put you in the soup. If you usually try to please everyone and put others first by suppressing your views, concerns, and rights, then you are likely to end up suffering stress, resentment and depression. It only spoils the relationships sooner or later. Hence, the key to building meaningful relationships with others is to value your own views, concerns, and rights as much as you do with theirs.

The problems with being too agreeable:

In reality, the world is filled with all sorts of people. If you are too open, some people take advantage of it and try to manipulate you without respecting your wish and will. They project themselves to be better than you and try to gain the upper hand, thereby diminishing your identity. You may unconsciously submit to their will at the cost of your self-respect.

You will forget your responsibility to be kind to yourself. While caring for others' concerns, you fail to safeguard your concerns and gradually slide into depression. 

You become a sorry figure. Giving up your concerns and rights would gradually project you as a weak person before others. 

Here are simple ways to stop being too nice:

Learn to firmly put across what your concerns are; it shows your personal dignity, self respect and self confidence. 

Practice assertiveness. Proclaim that you are right, while at the same time being respectful towards others' feelings. 

Consider your concerns thoroughly before agreeing to anything. 

When there is a conflict of interest that bothers your concerns, say 'no' without hesitation, but politely. For example, you always have a choice of saying ‘no’ instead of overburdening yourself by helping others when you do not want to. Similarly, if somebody tries to impose their tastes, views, or lifestyle on you, you have got to say ‘no’. Let them respect your freedom to be yourself. Do not even apologize for being yourself. Take charge of your life to lead it the way you want. 

Do not care about those who take advantage of your people-pleasing nature, just neglect them. Grow your self confidence, self esteem, and self worth day-by-day. Stop worrying about others criticizing you or rejecting you for not heeding to their demands. Learn putting yourself first so that you can stand up for yourself whenever required.